LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
