everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
