Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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