i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
