made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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