I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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