I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
