i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
