everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
