he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
