I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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