i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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