Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
