If that was your dad, he is hot
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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