Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
