Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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