Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
