$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
