You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
