i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
