Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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