I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
