Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
