Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
