shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
