ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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