Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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