thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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