I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
