If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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