At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think my moral compass just broke
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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