I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
