dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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