So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
