It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
