I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
