I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
