are you still at the devil's house?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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