Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize