My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
