That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This toilet bowl is my home.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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