my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
