I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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