I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize