I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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