How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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