$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
