wake up i wanna do it froggy style
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize