my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
