checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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