There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
