Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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