All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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