I could make wine with my vomit
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
