i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
