okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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