I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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