who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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