well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no you cant smoke seaweed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
