OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
