How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize