hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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