Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
