It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
