I think scott just propositioned me for sex
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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