I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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