Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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