Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
