Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
