I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
