Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
