the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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